a reprieve.

my mom brought up a good point this past thanksgiving weekend. there are some classes i'm taking right now that i don't have the bestest grades in & that if i do well enough on the finals i can squeak out a B in both of them. my mom suggested that i burn myself out this week & this weekend by studying my heart out because when they are done i will have a month or so to relax & not think one lick about school. i've constantly been thinking about that idea this whole week & surprisingly it's given me energy. i find myself living in this part of the library where i can hide-out. in this spot, at most i've seen about two other people here with me. i'm glad someone showed me where this place is :) well here's an update on the school life before i get to the spiritual stuff :) i signed up for my classes tuesday. i was pretty anxious to sign up so that i could get into the foundation courses for my major. i had this whole plan of e-mailing & talking to professors if i couldn't get into those classes but it turns out, through faith & God's awesome timing, i didn't need to do any of that. i got into economics 206 & math 157 which i didn't think i would get into. i'm also taking english 101 & environmental science 101.

now, thought i would take a much needed study break...not by blogging but by spending time with God! I've found this blog as a very good "therapy" for lack of better terms. No, i'm not "sick" but i just like to express my feelings by writing rather than any other way.

Lately, I've found that spending time with God is fun. it's something that i look forward to doing everyday & the urge reminds me to do it everyday which is a plus! the other day when i had my one-on-one with angela she said that she was doing her quiet times by reading hebrews because it talks about faith so i thought i would give that a try today. some cool verses & concepts popped into my head.

HEBREWS 2:1 "So we must be more careful to follow what we were taught. Then we will not stray away from the truth." then starting in HEBREWS 12:7 "So hold on through your sufferings, because they are like a father's discipline. God is treating you as children. All children are disciplined by their fathers. ...We have all had fathers here on earth who disciplined us, and we respected them. So it is even more important that we accept discipline from the Father of our spirits so we will have life. ....But God disciplines us to help us, so we can become holy as he is. We do not enjoy being disciplined. It is painful, but later, after we have learned from it, we have peace, because we start living in the right way."

It talks a lot about teaching and how important it is for the rest of our life. As a child i was taught many valuable lessons in life. i would try and hold on to those lessons for not just the rest of my life but for the fear of being punished. As a kid, and still now, i hate being punished. i hate the feeling of knowing that you did something wrong & you know your parents will punish you for it. i especially hate that akward phase during which you know that your parents know what happened but they aren't home at the moment to punish you. one time i got caught in a lie. my dad decided to let me know via text message or voicemail i'm not exactly sure, that we would need to have a talk when i got home. well the whole day at school i was scared out of my pants. especially on my drive home, which felt like the longest drive ever. i knew my head was about to be handed to me on a platter when i arrived. (& to punish me, you don't need to do anything physical i.e. spanking or grounding. i learn best through verbal contact, making me feel bad for what i did, bringing the guilt on myself. so i would constantly think how bad it feels to know that my parents are mad at me and that i hurt them) my mind would always run through these random things that could happen to me. not the best feeling in the world; so i would do the best i could to avoid it. Lately i've been starting to realize the other part to learning lessons; the part where you're supposed to use them in future situations down the road. the ones that come to my mind right now are going to church, respecting authority, not lying, building a relationship with God, & other things that are running through my head right now that i can't express on paper. Recalling those lessons & remembering the consequences from my parents has helped me.

The thought of doing something to show my faith has still been on my heart lately; now more than ever. but i just don't know what to do. money is a big issue obviously. but then i think if God wants me to do it, he will provide the resources. through ccf, the inn, & ctk there have been some cool mission trip opportunites. but i've felt no motivation to do them. & of course it's past the sign-up date so there's nothing i can do now. when i get back from winter break, i want to some how plug into church at ctk. i want to volunteer in the nursery somehow but i looked online & been paying attention in church but that don't mention anything about volunteering in that way. i'll have to look into it more when i get back. i just feel like that issue has been on my heart lately & i need to do something about it. again, hopefully God will make something happen in that regard :)