it's a relationship too & you have to keep it growing.

wow it has been quite some time since i have wrote on this. SORRY! i've been quite busy with school & honestly nothing else. I'm starting to slip back into the stage I was in when I got up here. & that's not good. I keep making up excuses for everything. Like right now I need to be studying for two tests that I have this week but this dumb computer keeps distracting me.

Kind of like God; I get going on this great streak of spending time with him but other things "get in the way." I feel like I only use God when I need him. I only cry out for him when things aren't going well, when I don't know what else to do; but I don't maintain the relationship when things are going good. I feel like he's a convenience. I always make up excuses. Oh I need to study. Oh I have to watch the world series. Oh I have to go eat now. Oh I need to check myspace & facebook. Why can't the constant reminder of spending time be in my head? Because I won't let it. I have other idols out their that I feel are more important & more satisfying than spending time with my Father who died for me. I need to change that & who more to ask for help but the person who knows all!

I got to see my mom & dad this weekend! It was fun hanging out with them & goofing around. It was weird though because when they left I didn't feel as sad as other previous hangouts with them have been. I didn't feel quite the separation shock either. I think I'm starting to settle in here. It doesn't feel like camp anymore. It feels like any other school where you go to school during the day, study & hang out at night.

GUESS WHO'S 19TH BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT DAD? YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A NINETEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! YIKKESSSS....

intricacies.

In my psychology class we have been going over the different parts of the brain, eye, & ear mainly. i've just been blow away by the little intricacies that God had to think of to create each one of us. For example, when we hear things, there are actually vibrations in the air that go through our ears & do all of this other stuff that i can't even explain. Another example, we don't actually see what we really see. the rods & cones & a bunch of other things in our eyes change the image. it's hard to explain; i may not have done a good job but that just goes to show you how it's not humanly possible to have thought of all of these small, microscopic details; only God is capable of that.

I can't believe I am going to post this on the world wide web because i am VERY embarrassed about it. Buttt we had our first exam in psychology & i studied pretty good for it. I knew the flashcards I made from front to back. But turns out i didn't. i got a D+. ouch i know. i've never in my whole life, got below a B on a test. It was quite a shock. I double checked that it was really mine i was looking at. But it was a good wake up call. I went & talked to the prof about it & there ended up being another girl in there with the same problem as me, so we exchanged numbers & are going to start studying together which will be good! Pray for me; the next exam is in two weeks!!

p.s. I really want to see the movie "Lars & the Real Girl" when it comes out. How come when I leave the theatre all of these good movies come out? just my luck...

i passed the test.

reaping the benefits of trusting in God feels soooooo good C:

As you might know I've been struggling making friends up here. I've been plugged into social groups but for a while things weren't really working. But today God finally came through.


I think he was testing me. I think he wanted to wait sometime for me to rely on him & let him do all of the work. I think he wanted me to build, develop, & re-kindle my relationship with him before I made new friends & work on the relationships with them. Well I did that & mannnnnn was it worth it. Not only did I feel all of the peace in the world, but I was rewarded for it as well.

I had an awesome time tonight. I went with Kelsey, Megan, Tali, Stephanie, Kristina & Kassy to dinner at a pizza place then went & saw the movie "Across the Universe." It's supposed to be about the Beatles but I didn't make the connection. It was VERY interesting but good at the same time. It was good to not only have something to do on a saturday night but also hang out with some cool girls & get to know them.

I only can hope & wish that these friendships won't end here. But to make that happen all I can do is trust in God & know that he will provide for me. He is a loving God & only wants what is best for me & for everyone!

along for the ride.

okay so something incredibly funny happened today so i'm going to make this a "fun" blog instead of a somber one like my last one :)

welll first off kelsey was screaming because there was this large bug in our room today crawling up the window. it was looked like a stink bug meets cockroach meets beetle. it was interesting. anyways, she freaked out & wanted to kill it with hairspray but i encouraged her not to because the bug didn't do anything to her. but she insisted the bug had made babies on her bed somewhere but that totally didn't happen. anyways, (sorry i keep sidetracking) i opened the window the bug was on but he didn't seem like he wanted to go out. (like how i made the bug a boy? boys are like bugs haha). anyways, so i grabbed this broom in our room that we hadn't used at all & scooped the bug up on it & stuck it out the window. he didn't seem to move so i shook the broom & then the big crawled TOWARD me on the broom & for some reason my reaction was to drop the broom. But that was quite a problem because the broom then fell five stories down onto the driveway of the dorm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA me & kelsey were dying laughing on the ground. then i went to go get it & some maintenance guys thought it was there's so picked it up & put it in their truck. but i got it back from them. it was quite funny. i laugh everytime i see our window because i can't imagine what someone was thinking when they saw a broom shaking out the window & then all of a sudden it drops five stores. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. wow college is fun when things like this happen!

a good song was sung last night at the inn. here it goes: HUNGRY I COME TO YOU FOR I KNOW YOU SATISFY. I AM EMPTY BUT I KNOW YOUR LOVE DOES NOT RUN DRY. SO I WAIT FOR YOU. SO I WAIT FOR YOU. I'M FALLING ON MY KNEES. OFFERING ALL OF ME. JESUS YOU'RE ALL THIS HEART IS LIVING FOR. BROKEN I RUN TO YOU FOR YOUR ARMS ARE OPEN WIDE. I AM WEARY BUT I KNOW YOUR TOUCH RESTORES MY LIFE.

as i was singing this song i realized that i'm singing the song of my life right then. i have become so broken over the last couple of weeks. i needed so much in my life i didn't know what to do. i didn't have control of my life & that's hard for me. but i realized God is the answer for everything. he has his arms open wide for me & meets me where i'm at. i don't need to go searching for him; he knows where i'm at & will come running for me. he's all that i live for now. ya i've been thinking a lot about the whole "you meet your husband in college" idea. & i'm not going to pursue anyone. God will make the man for me pursue me. it's comforting to know but i'm not going to lie i do have my doubts too. but i just have to put my faith in God & go along for the ride!

I do like.

I never thought that being away from my family, being away from the atmosphere of my house, where i knew everything & nearly everyone, would be this difficult; but rewarding at the same time.

I miss my family tremendously. I didn't think I would miss the nagging, doing chores (when I did them), picking up dog poop, & cleaning my room, would be able to be missed. I thought I would enjoy being on my own, making my own decisions, & doing what i wanted to when I wanted to. I cry every night for my family. I don't want to grow up. I don't like change. I don't like not having friends. I don't like taking showers in a shower that is full of hair, dirty floors, & a stinky smell. I don't like doing the same thing everyday. I don't like not being around my family. I don't like not beating up my sister. I don't like going to a church where I don't know anyone. I don't like being new. I don't like adjusting. I don't like trying to find out who I am. I don't like not having the comfort I had at home, at school, & at church.

But I do like how this whole experience has helped my lean on God so much more. For the first time in my life I have felt his presence with me. When my parents left I couldn't control myself. It's been hard making friends but God has given me the peace to get through this & I know that he will guide me through everything. I have got plugged into two amazing bible studies; one through CCF & one through the Inn. I hope to get to know other people in those groups who are going through the same thing that I am.

In one of my classes the other day a kid asked me, "So how was your first weekend of parties as a freshman?" Of course I answered "I don't party." Then he asked, "Why don't you party?" I gave him the cliche answer..."It's not for me." But then I got to thinking. Why do I really not party? What is stopping me from going to some strangers house, getting drunk like no other, & having a hang over the next morning? It's my faith. Nothing good comes from parties. Nothing glorifies God at parties. I can have fun being myself doing other things. God will bless me with other Christians to null my desire to do any of that crap.

Along with my prayer journal, I am glad I created this blog. IT helps me let my feeling out. I don't care if nobody reads this. It will be like my blog to God & others who want to find him too.