Funny story. So I woke up this morning to my alarm and laid in bed for a while. Then I finally got up and looked out the window and it was hard-core snowing. The road didn't look too bad but I didn't want to risk it so I made the initial decision to not go to church. But then I went to the bathroom and came back and the snow had died down a bit. This voice inside my head told me to suck it up and go to church. If it had been icy or snowy on Jesus' way to the cross, He still would have gone for us so I thought I could do the same :)
It was really good that I went too. The message this morning was about distractions and how to distinguish God's voice from the other conflicting voices that might be in your head. He talked about the deceptions you might face and the characteristics of God's voice that you hear. He also examined the ways we need to listen; expectedly, openly, carefully, gratefully, etc.
I feel like I really needed to hear this. Being at college and all there are some overwhelming distractions that surround me everyday; school, boys, friends, hanging out, stress, missing home, etc. The one that really hit home was my distraction and worry about the "boy scene." Lately, it has been exceptionally hard and has somewhat taken my focus away from God. God meant for and knew exactly what would happen. I had hoped that I could draw nearer to Him because of it but it seems as though I didn't. I think this sermon I heard today really brought me back on the right track. It helped me realize that these distractions are normal and that I am most vulnerable right now to the many obstacles. It made me reflect to want to try harder to dive into His Word everyday, to want to reach out to people, to want to show my faith somehow. I want to do a better job of distinguishing God's voice from the rest.
Too bad they don't make those eye things that horses wear to keep them focused straight ahead for humans :) Ha, even if they did I'm not too sure they would be "cool" to wear :)
January 27, 2008
January 13, 2008
I love Him.
I've come to a conclusion that I worried way to much about it. I over-analyzed what could have and might have happened. Yes, I was at peace with it all & knew it would happen on God's time. But there was still that feeling in the back of my head.
Sure enough it worked out for the better. We got to have the conversation that needed to be had. We both got information out of each other that needed to be uncovered.
Throughout my first quarter of college, I have seen many effects through many different scenarios of how God works for the good of those who love Him. Right now I can truly say from my heart that I love God. If you would have asked me in the past if I loved Him, I would have said yes because that's the right answer. But then I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, I wouldn't have been able to tell you confidently. But now I can say it without a doubt; with evidence that He loves me.
I made a pact with myself & God two summers ago that I would not pursue any guy for a relationship. If a guy was truly attracted to me, he would be lead by God. Not going to lie, it was very hard. Seeing other couples at school and around town it was hard for me to not go & try to find satisfaction for myself. The time "alone" so to speak, was good for me in different ways. But now, a guy has found me. Whether it's meant to be or not, I couldn't tell you. But I feel as though God has put him in my life to teach me things about what I truly deserve in a man & the qualities I want in a future husband. It's a step in the right direction.
Now I am ready for the challenges & obstacles that come along with truly loving God. Not everyone is going to agree with it, but I soon hope to gain more knowledge about what it takes.
Sure enough it worked out for the better. We got to have the conversation that needed to be had. We both got information out of each other that needed to be uncovered.
Throughout my first quarter of college, I have seen many effects through many different scenarios of how God works for the good of those who love Him. Right now I can truly say from my heart that I love God. If you would have asked me in the past if I loved Him, I would have said yes because that's the right answer. But then I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, I wouldn't have been able to tell you confidently. But now I can say it without a doubt; with evidence that He loves me.
I made a pact with myself & God two summers ago that I would not pursue any guy for a relationship. If a guy was truly attracted to me, he would be lead by God. Not going to lie, it was very hard. Seeing other couples at school and around town it was hard for me to not go & try to find satisfaction for myself. The time "alone" so to speak, was good for me in different ways. But now, a guy has found me. Whether it's meant to be or not, I couldn't tell you. But I feel as though God has put him in my life to teach me things about what I truly deserve in a man & the qualities I want in a future husband. It's a step in the right direction.
Now I am ready for the challenges & obstacles that come along with truly loving God. Not everyone is going to agree with it, but I soon hope to gain more knowledge about what it takes.
January 12, 2008
no substitute for God
I feel stupid, embarrassed, let down, & a lack of respect given. I do everything to make things work. I feel like I'm a convenience. This is the second time in a matter of three days. & I think I have about had it. Actually I know I have had enough.
Last night I was doing everything to try and comfort myself. My heart wouldn't stop beating out of my chest while I was waiting. I started to get worried about my heart because at one point it literally started hurting. I was running through all different scenarios through my head; good ones & bad ones. I then remembered a story in the Bible about Peter. He had to be sure in his faith to get out of that boat & walk on water. Any ounce of uncertainty proved bad for him. I need to be like that. I need to be absolutely certain in my faith with God to get through this. & I did that last night. I kept praying & praying. Talking to God about this. And eventually my heart felt better; both physically and emotionally. God knew that at six o'clock when he left that I wouldn't hear back from him. God knows where we will stand in the future. I just need to let go, stop worrying, and settle for nothing less than I deserve. When someone says they are going to do something, I expect them to do it. And if they can't, they need to let you know. Don't necessarily need an explaination but some kind of notice would be nice.
It's going to be hard to focus until I hear something. But with God's power and strength I can do it. I am living my life for God; to honor and glorify him in everything I do. I don't need someone in place of His wonderful satisfaction. I only need Him.
Last night I was doing everything to try and comfort myself. My heart wouldn't stop beating out of my chest while I was waiting. I started to get worried about my heart because at one point it literally started hurting. I was running through all different scenarios through my head; good ones & bad ones. I then remembered a story in the Bible about Peter. He had to be sure in his faith to get out of that boat & walk on water. Any ounce of uncertainty proved bad for him. I need to be like that. I need to be absolutely certain in my faith with God to get through this. & I did that last night. I kept praying & praying. Talking to God about this. And eventually my heart felt better; both physically and emotionally. God knew that at six o'clock when he left that I wouldn't hear back from him. God knows where we will stand in the future. I just need to let go, stop worrying, and settle for nothing less than I deserve. When someone says they are going to do something, I expect them to do it. And if they can't, they need to let you know. Don't necessarily need an explaination but some kind of notice would be nice.
It's going to be hard to focus until I hear something. But with God's power and strength I can do it. I am living my life for God; to honor and glorify him in everything I do. I don't need someone in place of His wonderful satisfaction. I only need Him.
January 8, 2008
i lack wisdom now :) thank goodness
sorry to all of my millions of blog readers for my long writing hiatus. here's just a few updates i guess; not big on "below-the-surface" stuff right now.
just got done with winter break. it was a nice, relaxing break that went by wayyyy too fast. for the first two weeks i slept in until about 10:30-11am everyday, watched people's court at noon & two, dr.phil at three, oprah at four, the news from 5-6, wheel of fortune at 7:30, jeopardy at 7:30 & then whatever good reality show was on from then on until about midnight or one when i would go in my room & play this fun game on my computer until i fell asleep & then would do it all again the next day :)
then we had christmas & my family & i went to texas for about six days & spent bunches of time with family down there which was a blast too. then i came home & had my wisdom teeth yanked out. boy that was an experience. i wasn't extremely nervous for this surgery, considering my past visits & experiences with dentist, because i had been through a surgery with this doctor before so i knew everything that was going to happen; which is just how i like it :) butttttttttt during the surgery my heart rate was going about three beats a second! & because of that the anesthesia is absorbed more by the body so it took me a while longer to come out of the anesthesia. then when i got home, i was feeling fine; i had laid down on the couch for a few minutes & then got up to go throw away my gauze & put new ones in but when i was at the mirror above our fireplace i fainted. & my came running in a panic (don't remember this but it's what she said) & it took me a while to wake up but i did & all i remember saying was "don't call 911." lol uhh then i was planted on the couch for the rest of the day. then the next day i had to get up to pee & my mom & dad helped me (my dad said it looked like he was helping someone from the geriatric ward) & then trying to get up from the toilet (after i had brushed my teeth so my pants were on!) & fainted again but luckily they were right there. sooooooo after that no more extreme events occured. i haven't had much pain at all. i'm in the stage now where i have to use that syringe & clean out the holes. NOT FUN. but worth it that's for sure.
school started back up today :( it's hard trying to get back into a routine of regularly going to the dining hall, study time, when to get up everyday, stuff like that. & of course the having to study & do school work stuff. i had my math class & environmental science classes today. math should be interesting. he's an interesting fellow; today he wore nice khaki pants & a collared shirt with crocs. going to be an interesting teaching style too. i have never said this before but just after only the first day of class i can tell this math class is going to kick my butt! it's also super hard right now at least trying to find good food at the dining hall to eat since i still can't quite eat hard foods. had some baked potatoes today. that's a step :)
ahhhhhhhhhhhh i think that's it for now. more later maybe if i feel like it.
just got done with winter break. it was a nice, relaxing break that went by wayyyy too fast. for the first two weeks i slept in until about 10:30-11am everyday, watched people's court at noon & two, dr.phil at three, oprah at four, the news from 5-6, wheel of fortune at 7:30, jeopardy at 7:30 & then whatever good reality show was on from then on until about midnight or one when i would go in my room & play this fun game on my computer until i fell asleep & then would do it all again the next day :)
then we had christmas & my family & i went to texas for about six days & spent bunches of time with family down there which was a blast too. then i came home & had my wisdom teeth yanked out. boy that was an experience. i wasn't extremely nervous for this surgery, considering my past visits & experiences with dentist, because i had been through a surgery with this doctor before so i knew everything that was going to happen; which is just how i like it :) butttttttttt during the surgery my heart rate was going about three beats a second! & because of that the anesthesia is absorbed more by the body so it took me a while longer to come out of the anesthesia. then when i got home, i was feeling fine; i had laid down on the couch for a few minutes & then got up to go throw away my gauze & put new ones in but when i was at the mirror above our fireplace i fainted. & my came running in a panic (don't remember this but it's what she said) & it took me a while to wake up but i did & all i remember saying was "don't call 911." lol uhh then i was planted on the couch for the rest of the day. then the next day i had to get up to pee & my mom & dad helped me (my dad said it looked like he was helping someone from the geriatric ward) & then trying to get up from the toilet (after i had brushed my teeth so my pants were on!) & fainted again but luckily they were right there. sooooooo after that no more extreme events occured. i haven't had much pain at all. i'm in the stage now where i have to use that syringe & clean out the holes. NOT FUN. but worth it that's for sure.
school started back up today :( it's hard trying to get back into a routine of regularly going to the dining hall, study time, when to get up everyday, stuff like that. & of course the having to study & do school work stuff. i had my math class & environmental science classes today. math should be interesting. he's an interesting fellow; today he wore nice khaki pants & a collared shirt with crocs. going to be an interesting teaching style too. i have never said this before but just after only the first day of class i can tell this math class is going to kick my butt! it's also super hard right now at least trying to find good food at the dining hall to eat since i still can't quite eat hard foods. had some baked potatoes today. that's a step :)
ahhhhhhhhhhhh i think that's it for now. more later maybe if i feel like it.
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