no substitute for God

I feel stupid, embarrassed, let down, & a lack of respect given. I do everything to make things work. I feel like I'm a convenience. This is the second time in a matter of three days. & I think I have about had it. Actually I know I have had enough.

Last night I was doing everything to try and comfort myself. My heart wouldn't stop beating out of my chest while I was waiting. I started to get worried about my heart because at one point it literally started hurting. I was running through all different scenarios through my head; good ones & bad ones. I then remembered a story in the Bible about Peter. He had to be sure in his faith to get out of that boat & walk on water. Any ounce of uncertainty proved bad for him. I need to be like that. I need to be absolutely certain in my faith with God to get through this. & I did that last night. I kept praying & praying. Talking to God about this. And eventually my heart felt better; both physically and emotionally. God knew that at six o'clock when he left that I wouldn't hear back from him. God knows where we will stand in the future. I just need to let go, stop worrying, and settle for nothing less than I deserve. When someone says they are going to do something, I expect them to do it. And if they can't, they need to let you know. Don't necessarily need an explaination but some kind of notice would be nice.

It's going to be hard to focus until I hear something. But with God's power and strength I can do it. I am living my life for God; to honor and glorify him in everything I do. I don't need someone in place of His wonderful satisfaction. I only need Him.