Haven't wrote here in a while. Been rather busy with things; school, friends, studying and just the norm. I guess I haven't had too much happen in my spiritual life lately, which isn't good. It's like when you're in shape. You have to keep working out and staying in shape otherwise you have to train extra hard when you get out of it. It seems like that with God. When you put him off for a while, you have to work hard to get back into the rhythm (Hard to put into words what I'm trying to say here but hopefully that gets my point across).
I definitely haven't fallen off the deep end. I would consider myself just stalling I guess. I think I do a pretty good job of surrounding myself with positive, influential people and it's those people who remind me to maintain my relationship with God because I know exactly how it feels not to be relying on Him everyday. I have been around church and church people and God my whole life. You would think that always being around it, I would always know how it feels to be in love with God but it didn't work that way. I remember one conversation with my dad, maybe when I was a sophomore in high school, and I told him that I was not interested in fully relying on God because it seemed like, from my observations, that when people get older and more mature, that that "feeling" just "clicks" with them and that time wasn't my time. At that time in my life everything was going great; just entered high school, made varsity soccer as a sophomore, had a boyfriend, and a great community of friends. I wasn't the least bit interested in relying on God when I was doing just fine by myself. Coming up here to college I think that time for me came. I'm not saying that's how it's supposed to work, the whole "certain age" thing, but I think this was my time. For once I feel that my relationship with God is my own. I don't need my parents thoughts about God to fill my head; I have my own.
It's also crazy to think that I have almost completed my first year of college. It seems like just last year I was moving up here. So much has changed since then, all for the better. I have met some pretty awesome people up here, been plugged in with some awesome college groups, and finally starting to understand the college workload and studying habits. I have also been thinking a lot about my future lately. I want to soak up every moment of my college experience because they won't ever come back again. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is studying abroad. I have had a lot of conversations with people who are doing it and it sounds like quite an experience. Maybe summer after sophomore year?!
Sorry my thoughts are very scattered in this blog. I guess since I haven't wrote in this in a while I had much to say and not an organized plan :P
April 29, 2008
April 17, 2008
We're here only for a second and then we're gone.
This question was posed tonight at bible study: "If you knew you only had one year (or less) to live how would you change your everyday life (or life in general)? Many girls said they would get married, travel the world, eat anything they want, share their faith, be more vocal with their faith, and other things of this nature.
But as I thought about this question, I came up with another one myself: Why does someone telling us we will soon die have to be the one thing that would change the way we live? We should live everyday like we are going to die because we never know when our time will come. Now you're probably thinking "Yeah everyone says this." But for some reason today this struck me more than when I would hear it in the past. I don't know if it's because of the changes that have come about in my life as of late, the awesome conversations I have been having with people, or something else but I really dwelled on this one for a while after bible study.
A lyric from the song "Live Like We're Alive" by the band Nevertheless says this, "We're here only for a second and then we're gone when we least expect it so do more than survive, let's live like we're alive." One thing that seems to get in the way of our focus on God and living for him, is the desire to accumulate worldly possessions.
Many of the things that were listed off in our group were things of the world: traveling, marriage, wealth, and experiences. But 1 John 2:15 says, "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." With our culture now-a-days that advertises the lastest gadgets everywhere you look, those desires for worldly possessions can get very intense. We feel the need to buy things left and right to satisfy our temporary needs.
I can totally relate to this in that when I see an ad for something on tv or especially in the abundance of ads in Sunday's paper, some clothing item or shoe seems to always catch my eye. I think about whether or not I want to buy that item for several days. It usually is something I always think about and how good I would look or how cool it would feel to have that thing. But when I go and buy it and use it for about a week or so, it seems to always find its place in my closet and then soon another clothing item will fall on top of it and that piece of clothing will have gone through the same process as the other item below it. Earthly possessions cannot satisfy our needs in the way that God can. Boyfriends, girlfriends, family, gizmos, gadgets, or cars cannot earn the same satisfaction that God can in our lives. Experiencing that good feeling inside knowing God has met all of my needs and loves me unconditionally, it cannot get much better than that.
But as I thought about this question, I came up with another one myself: Why does someone telling us we will soon die have to be the one thing that would change the way we live? We should live everyday like we are going to die because we never know when our time will come. Now you're probably thinking "Yeah everyone says this." But for some reason today this struck me more than when I would hear it in the past. I don't know if it's because of the changes that have come about in my life as of late, the awesome conversations I have been having with people, or something else but I really dwelled on this one for a while after bible study.
A lyric from the song "Live Like We're Alive" by the band Nevertheless says this, "We're here only for a second and then we're gone when we least expect it so do more than survive, let's live like we're alive." One thing that seems to get in the way of our focus on God and living for him, is the desire to accumulate worldly possessions.
Many of the things that were listed off in our group were things of the world: traveling, marriage, wealth, and experiences. But 1 John 2:15 says, "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." With our culture now-a-days that advertises the lastest gadgets everywhere you look, those desires for worldly possessions can get very intense. We feel the need to buy things left and right to satisfy our temporary needs.
I can totally relate to this in that when I see an ad for something on tv or especially in the abundance of ads in Sunday's paper, some clothing item or shoe seems to always catch my eye. I think about whether or not I want to buy that item for several days. It usually is something I always think about and how good I would look or how cool it would feel to have that thing. But when I go and buy it and use it for about a week or so, it seems to always find its place in my closet and then soon another clothing item will fall on top of it and that piece of clothing will have gone through the same process as the other item below it. Earthly possessions cannot satisfy our needs in the way that God can. Boyfriends, girlfriends, family, gizmos, gadgets, or cars cannot earn the same satisfaction that God can in our lives. Experiencing that good feeling inside knowing God has met all of my needs and loves me unconditionally, it cannot get much better than that.
April 6, 2008
An epiphany.
New quarter, new things in life, a room all to myself, and dad's journals from a few years back staring me in the face all come together for the desire for an epiphany.
As I was reading my dad's journal from the time he was experiencing the thoughts about planting a church to the time it actually happened, I thought of something. It took God quite a while to reveal his plan for my dad, and ultimately my family's as well, and that to me makes me feel uneasy. I like my day and weeks for that matter planned out well in advance with me knowing about those plans. God of course has a different idea. It took him a few months to give my dad direction in his life. It takes a lot of trust on our part to put toward God in our lives.
Which also made me think of why I am here. It seems as though lately all I have been doing is taking up space. I have not made an impact in anyone's life since who knows when. Even though I am involved in different things, I seem to be just a speck on the canvas of life instead of a glistening beam. If I were to die tomorrow I do not think many people would know who I was. I still have yet to figure out my purpose.
I do not know why I am here on this earth, why God has brought me to this phase of my life. I want to become more of a leader than a follower. I am willing to figure all of this out on God's time. I do not know when my life will end but I pray by that point I will have made an impact in peoples' lives and that God's love and light will continue to shine through me as I find out my purpose in life.
As I was reading my dad's journal from the time he was experiencing the thoughts about planting a church to the time it actually happened, I thought of something. It took God quite a while to reveal his plan for my dad, and ultimately my family's as well, and that to me makes me feel uneasy. I like my day and weeks for that matter planned out well in advance with me knowing about those plans. God of course has a different idea. It took him a few months to give my dad direction in his life. It takes a lot of trust on our part to put toward God in our lives.
Which also made me think of why I am here. It seems as though lately all I have been doing is taking up space. I have not made an impact in anyone's life since who knows when. Even though I am involved in different things, I seem to be just a speck on the canvas of life instead of a glistening beam. If I were to die tomorrow I do not think many people would know who I was. I still have yet to figure out my purpose.
I do not know why I am here on this earth, why God has brought me to this phase of my life. I want to become more of a leader than a follower. I am willing to figure all of this out on God's time. I do not know when my life will end but I pray by that point I will have made an impact in peoples' lives and that God's love and light will continue to shine through me as I find out my purpose in life.
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