True Story.

Long time no "type"

2009-01-15T23:02:00.001-08:00

I feel like I haven't posted on this for a while...I'm surprised I remembered my password. :] I really don't have much to talk about so I guess I will update on big things in my life!

The other day I had a meeting with my advisor about what is in store for me the rest of my college career. Basically what he said is that I'm a quarter ahead of schedule (4-year graduation plan :]). I had kind of sensed that but it was good to hear from someone official. This quarter I'm taking a somewhat lighter course load to focus on my grades in the last foundation courses for business majors. I'm taking managerial accounting, business law, & re-taking microeconomics. For fun I'm taking raquetball & swimming as well! In the spring I will hopefully be taking two accounting classes & a finance class I think. I'm excited to see how things go & even more eager to take the most interesting & fun classes...more accounting ones! :]

Also, this summer I will be going to South Africa on a mission trip with my dad, sister, & a group of people from church. I'm excited to see what is going to be in store on that trip both physically & spiritually. My only hesitation about it all is all of the shots that are going to be needed to go. Thankfully, I was reasearching which ones I would need, just today, & realized that I won't need as many as I thought I would! Shots are very much my weakness but I think I can survive a little prick so to speak, in order to be able to witness to God's people.

On a side note, over break I read the first Twilight book & am currently in the middle of the second one. It was a very good book- no I'm not one of those obsessed people who's life revolves around the book. It's definitely worth your time though! :]

Okay I think this is all I feel like reporting on now. If anything else pops up, I will be sure to post it in my facebook status & then it will eventually end up on here soon! Tootles!

Psalm 139

2008-11-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully mad; your works are wonderful, I know that full well...How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I love Bellingham :)

2008-10-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

These pictures were from our adventure to Boulevard Park on Saturday. Hannah, Davielle, Megan and I ventured down to the park & spent some time together for Megan's pre-birthday celebrations. It was such a pretty day; not too cold but cold enough to bundle up but it was still comfortable. We walked around, went on trails, went on a dock and threw the frisbee in as many creative ways that we could think of. That provided many, many laughs; usually courtesy of Megan. :) It was good to spend time with some good friends!

Okay I have another broom story. Last year, Kelsey and I's broom came in very handy when we had a bug on the curtains. So we used it to get it off. Well yesterday the broom came in handy for a totally different reason.

Soooooooo it was about 10:30 or 11:00 and the boys directly below us were screaming very loudly. Both of our windows were open which I don't think helped the noise level into our room but still, we should be able to have our window open whenever we want to. I think they were playing video games or something but it was sooo loud. I told Megan that we needed to do something about that. Soooooo I handed Megan the broom. She stuck it out the window and tried for several seconds to shut the boys' window below us. After several failed attempts due to intense laughing on our parts, we got it shut. Next thing we know, with our window shut of course, we hear one boy say, "What the f***! How the he** did our window just shut!?" We started cracking up! I was laughing so hard that I kind of lost control of my body and fell off my bed and hit my head on the floor. It didn't hurt bad because we were laughing so hard! Our success kind of failed in one sense because they opened their window back up but then about twenty minutes later we shut it again but I don't think they saw it because it stayed shut the rest of the night.

Needless to say, this broom has come in handy several times in college and not just for sweeping purposes! :)

Greater things have yet to come, greater this have yet to be done in this city...

2008-10-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

Vancouver, BC (taken from Louie's blog)
The GM place without people in it but the stage is further into the picture.
A packed arena :)
A shot from the wayyyy back
Now this one is taken from my camera. We had pretty good seats but the camera isn't of high quality so the picture doesn't quite do justice.

Another one from my camera. I have more of David Crowder & Chris Tomlin but I'm too embarrassed to put them on here because they're really bad.

Last night was an amazing night. Megan and I drove up to Vancouver, BC for the Passion tour. David Crowder Band and Chris Tomlin performed and Louie Giglio (sp?) spoke. IT WAS AMAZING!!! Way too much happened and was experienced to try to express into words but I'm going to try to. For what I fail to describe, I will be sure to include pictures and the link for Louie's blog that also includes descriptions about the previous stops they have taken.

Chris Tomlin kicked off the night. He lead us in some good "oldies" and some newer, more contemporary songs. He did a great job of singing and really tying in all of the songs with the theme of the night.

Then Louie came and spoke about how our community of college aged people is a powerful one. We have the opportunity to witness and reach out to people on our campus. We used the analogy of how when someone finds that "click" with God, when it all connects is like switching from regular TV to high definition. He finished by reading a journal from a college girl who got caught up in the party scene. To make a long story short she roomed with a Christian girl. The roommate wasn't a pushy Christian but was there for Ashley, the college girl, when she needed her to be. One night after Ashley had a rough one, the Christian girl was the to talk to her. Long story short again, Ashley became a Christian and was killed in a car accident three months later. That story was a powerful one to not only me but non-believers about how powerful God can be and how He wants so much for us to get to know Him and His wonders.

David Crowder Band finished up the night in what seemed like little time at all. He sang some of his great songs and all of them happened to be on the CD Megan gave to me at the end of the last school year. I think David's singing hit me the most. I'm not a big "raise-your-hands-when-you-worship" worshipper, not because I'm embarrassed but just because it's not my style of worshipping. But when they sang "O, Praise Him," my hands just went up. It was a very powerful song that moved everyone in the building.

If you have not been to a Passion event, I suggest that you go whenever you have the opportunity! It was the most amazing worshipping experience I have ever been a part of. I got so much out of the night, most of it I cannot rely on this blog because it can't be described into words.

www.268blog.com <-- that is the link to Louie's blog. I recommend going to check it out because he puts into words what I cannot.

Never Never Land seemed like a pretty good idea.

2008-09-26T14:52:00.000-07:00

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the strength within you that survives all the hurt."

I came across this quote the other day when I was looking for a quote for my facebook. It kind of hit me right where I have been over the last year.

This time last year I was miserable. As you might have read in my first few blogs, I was struggling with growing up. I wasn't as secure in myself and in my faith as I needed to be. It's not until you reach your lowest points in life that you realize you can't do it on your own. All that I could really turn to was God at that point. It wasn't until then that I was lifted up. All last school year and flowing into this year, I can say that I have grown up a tremendous amount. Last year I think I called my parents about three or four times a day and this year I have cut back a tremendous amount. Not that I don't want to talk to them, but I think I am starting to build a life of my own where I don't need to rely on them for everything. Although it is good to know that they will always be there for me!

Anyways, relating this back to the quote, I think the "hurt" I experienced in the beginning stages of college prevailed in the end. I found that I had strength through Jesus Christ and in leaning on Him, I could survive any challenge thrown against me.

This year at school has been going great! Tonight is the first CCF (Campus Christian Fellowship) meeting of the school year. I hope to see former CORE members and catch up with them! This year's CORE (CORE is what we call "Bible study" at CCF)seems like a great group. We have about five returners and have about ten freshman and new girls that have shown interest in coming which is exciting. That will be on Monday nights so next Monday will be the first one. All of these events really have helped me be more comfortable in my walk with God and have blessed me with great friendships with a great group of girls. :)

It's that time of year again.

2008-09-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

Sooooooooooooo the parents just peaced outta town & left me in Bellingham. I have to say this year I did better in the "controlling my emotions" department. My only meltdown was when the boyfriend left which meant it was time to say goodbye to everyone else too. The whole 'act of leaving home' & saying goodbye to my family, including Tex which I feel sorry for because he has no idea what is going on, is what gets me everytime. Although I hear that it gets easier everytime; I'll believe it when I see it.

This year I also think I am more prepared emotionally & spiritually. Last year was definitely one of the lowest I have been in my whole life. Now that I am more mature in those areas, I feel like God is closest to me right now & in these moments of need. Hopefully I can stay strong in the next few weeks. I'm sure there will be times of sadness and what-not, but my spiritual life and growth will help me in that area. :)

Now it's back to the shower where I have to wear flip-flops each time & pray that no part of my body touches the walls in there too. (& try not to be grossed out by all of the hair in the drain. Ewwwwwww. It's now when I feel like Audrey's dirt in the shower at home after soccer games, would be better to shower in.)

Peace out...more to come in the next few days when I know I'll probably have a lot of time on my hands. :)

Lazy summer.

2008-08-04T13:15:00.001-07:00

This blog is proof of what the summer can do to someone. This summer has definitely been a relaxing one. No homework, no worrying about school, working, being with family, & friends...all of this has become quite a distraction this summer. It all distracted me away from what I wanted to do: spend more time getting to know myself. I really thought this summer would be a good one for me to think about where I want to go in life. I thought I could make this summer be a memorable one in that way but it surely hasn't happened.

This summer has definitely had its ups and downs; discouraging and encouraging moments. Through all of that, I lost sight of what I wanted to do. I tend to only come to God when things get hard. When that happened this summer, it wasn't until then that I realized how out of wack I had gotten. I was writing in my journal and it had been close to a month of not talking to God and spending time with Him like I would normally do. It really was a slap across the face moment; a time to realize how helpful God can be in the best and worst of moments.

As the summer comes to a close, I am really looking forward to going back to school. I'm ready to grow up some more and see what God has in store for me through the people in Bellingham. It's not until I come home that I really appreciate how much I love it up in Bellingham and how much I enjoy spending time with my friends. I'm also looking forward to the new classes I'm going to take and the breath of fresh air that I will get in the fall.

Friends.

2008-06-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

In the last few weeks here at school, I have come to realize that what my parents said is true: you can meet some of your greatest friends in college. In no way, shape, or form am I saying that I don't have awesome friends back home because I totally do, but up here at Western, I was blessed with some amazing girls in my Core and through CCF. In the beginning of the year I was almost in a sort of depressed state because I just couldn't really connect with girls in a way that I thought I would be able to. I guess it was God's timing all along and Him telling me to once again put my faith and trust in Him to get me through.

The biggest way God came through was in the Core group I am/was a part of. I have been blessed with an amazing, uplifting, gracious, and caring group of girls. We come from different towns, backgrounds, and families and all of that has helped us connect on many different levels. Even though we all won't be in the same Core next year (well at least five of us will), I know that I can go to any one of them for comfort. People like this is exactly what I had prayed for at the beginning of the year; and once again, God came through and proved how much He cares for me and wants the best for me. I pray that next year I can be a light to any new students and freshman coming in and that I can be a comfort to anyone who might feel exactly the same way that I did.

Two finals/presentations down, two more to go until summer breakkkkk :)

Schooooool's (almost) out, for the summer!!

2008-05-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

Once again I am a bad blogger. I haven't wrote in this for like a month! I think I have just been super busy with school and what not that I find myself not having time to blog, even though I really enjoy it!

This blog won't be full so much of the spiritual side of things but more an update on life.

I am now entering my last two weeks as a freshman in college. This upcoming week is dead week and then come the lovely finals. It's so crazy to think of how fast this year has gone by. It seems like just last week Kelsey and I were moving all of our stuff in, feeling like we were at camp, and watching Oprah all the time. Now, I have three (almost) full quarters of college classes under my belt, couldn't tell you the last time I watched Oprah, and got my best friend back! :) This year has been full of changes. I have learned a lot about myself, my friends, and subjects in school.

In two weeks I will be back at the movie theatre working. I have mixed emotions on this. A lot of people have left, I don't like change, and it seems like I should be doing something to further my experience instead of robbing people of their money to watch movies. I guess your first summer back from college is time to relax and live it up because the next summers will need to be more career oriented. Hopefully next summer I can get on the ball of either studying abroad or getting a more "prestigous" job. Until then, I will put a smile on my face for all of the customers coming into the theatre!

Back to studying I go. I guess my one wish for all of my fans out there (lol), is that yall will pray for me through finals, that I can give them all my best effort, that I can focus in the days leading up to them, and that this summer I can be a blessing at the theatre even though it won't be my favorite place to go. :)

Faith.

2008-05-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

As I was reading back through some of my old posts I realized a trend between most of them. Up here at college I struggled at first with my faith. Being up here so far away from my family, it was very hard to "survive" up here. I could no longer be around them and people that I knew all of the time. Re-establishing my faith in God REALLY helped me out. I relied on God to surround me with Christian friends and help me become my own person and He did just that.

Lately I have been pondering a few things about my faith. Today I had my regular meetings with my COREFA. Last week she mentioned something about doing contact evangelism with her. I was quite scared at first I'm not going to lie. Going up and talking to random people about Christianity is something waaaaaayy out of my comfort zone. I seriously thought about calling her today and making up an excuse for not being able to go. But of course I couldn't do that so I went. And sure enough she dragged me out to Red Square and we started looking for people to go up and talk to. The first lady we approached didn't want to talk. Then we saw a girl, who happens to live on my floor, and she was willing to sit down & talk with us. Angela then started off the conversation with something along the lines of "What problems do you have with Christianity?" Without hesitation, the first words out of the girl's mouth was, "A god who requires worship isn't worth worshipping." I was blown away. The fact that this girl did not even need to hesitate after being asked quite a personal question was quite weird to me. She talked with us for a few minutes before one of her friends came up and he pretty much took away the conversation from her. We asked him the same quesitions and he basically said stuff like "Since the Big Bang Theory has been proven true and it all started from one solitary object, then the force that broke them apart will eventually bring them back together one day." He also said that "for God to be so powerful the only challenge He would have would be trying to conquer himself." Basically in talking with these people I got to start thinking about my faith and why it is I believe what I do. Is it because my parents' beliefs just flowed to me? Is it because it's really the only thing I have been taught to believe in? Why did I choose to believe in God who I can't see or hear sometimes? Why would I base my whole life on the assumption that He is true? What if He's not? I kind of struggled with these thoughts for the remainder of the day.

On tuesday evenings I have been going with Megan to a college group called "Relucent" at Northlake Church. She invited me one time and I went and she kept prodding me to keep going and I finally got the time to go today. I had still had all of these conflicting thoughts in my head from earlier in the day; which turned out to be perfect timing for me that I went to this group tonight. The speaker was a woman who worked at the church. She gave her testimony. She talked about how she got married and wanted to start a family. She tried for a while but the doctors told her she had a less than one percent chance of becoming pregnant. She said she became very bitter toward God and went into a serious state of depression. She had a prayer service for her put together by some of her friends. She thought that if she had faith in God, he would reward her by giving her a child. But she then realized that is not how it works. She realized that we need to have faith in God and not control the outcomes that we want because it's like we are trying to control God and that's not possible. One thing she said was that we need to have faith in God and not faith in what we want the outcome to be. So she became perfectly okay with the fact that she might not be a parent one day and was okay with that because she had faith in God and knew that it was what He wanted in her life. She then told us how she enjoys romantic comedies and how at the end sometimes they have "epilogues" of the characters that tell where they are now and who they marry and personal stuff like that. She then picked up a sign she had made and said that it was her epilogue to this story. The sign read "The doctors gave me less than a one percent chance of getting pregnant but right now I am three months pregnant!" It gave me goosebumps. Everyone in the room was cheering and clapping for her. She told us that they had conceived the child on the two year anniversary of when all of her friends and family got together and had a prayer service for her.

The story she shared really hit me and put me into my place about where my feelings were coming from earlier in the day. How can there not be a miraculous God who makes something like this happen? Putting my faith in a God who works in ways like this is comforting. And I know I say that a lot in this blog but it's really true. Who/what else could make a woman become pregnant, who had less than a one percent chance of becoming a mom, and getting pregnant on the two year anniversary of when her friends had prayed for her! I feel a lot better now about knowing how powerful the God I put my faith and trust in, truly is.

Neutral

2008-04-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

Haven't wrote here in a while. Been rather busy with things; school, friends, studying and just the norm. I guess I haven't had too much happen in my spiritual life lately, which isn't good. It's like when you're in shape. You have to keep working out and staying in shape otherwise you have to train extra hard when you get out of it. It seems like that with God. When you put him off for a while, you have to work hard to get back into the rhythm (Hard to put into words what I'm trying to say here but hopefully that gets my point across).

I definitely haven't fallen off the deep end. I would consider myself just stalling I guess. I think I do a pretty good job of surrounding myself with positive, influential people and it's those people who remind me to maintain my relationship with God because I know exactly how it feels not to be relying on Him everyday. I have been around church and church people and God my whole life. You would think that always being around it, I would always know how it feels to be in love with God but it didn't work that way. I remember one conversation with my dad, maybe when I was a sophomore in high school, and I told him that I was not interested in fully relying on God because it seemed like, from my observations, that when people get older and more mature, that that "feeling" just "clicks" with them and that time wasn't my time. At that time in my life everything was going great; just entered high school, made varsity soccer as a sophomore, had a boyfriend, and a great community of friends. I wasn't the least bit interested in relying on God when I was doing just fine by myself. Coming up here to college I think that time for me came. I'm not saying that's how it's supposed to work, the whole "certain age" thing, but I think this was my time. For once I feel that my relationship with God is my own. I don't need my parents thoughts about God to fill my head; I have my own.

It's also crazy to think that I have almost completed my first year of college. It seems like just last year I was moving up here. So much has changed since then, all for the better. I have met some pretty awesome people up here, been plugged in with some awesome college groups, and finally starting to understand the college workload and studying habits. I have also been thinking a lot about my future lately. I want to soak up every moment of my college experience because they won't ever come back again. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is studying abroad. I have had a lot of conversations with people who are doing it and it sounds like quite an experience. Maybe summer after sophomore year?!

Sorry my thoughts are very scattered in this blog. I guess since I haven't wrote in this in a while I had much to say and not an organized plan :P

We're here only for a second and then we're gone.

2008-04-17T21:56:00.001-07:00

This question was posed tonight at bible study: "If you knew you only had one year (or less) to live how would you change your everyday life (or life in general)? Many girls said they would get married, travel the world, eat anything they want, share their faith, be more vocal with their faith, and other things of this nature.

But as I thought about this question, I came up with another one myself: Why does someone telling us we will soon die have to be the one thing that would change the way we live? We should live everyday like we are going to die because we never know when our time will come. Now you're probably thinking "Yeah everyone says this." But for some reason today this struck me more than when I would hear it in the past. I don't know if it's because of the changes that have come about in my life as of late, the awesome conversations I have been having with people, or something else but I really dwelled on this one for a while after bible study.

A lyric from the song "Live Like We're Alive" by the band Nevertheless says this, "We're here only for a second and then we're gone when we least expect it so do more than survive, let's live like we're alive." One thing that seems to get in the way of our focus on God and living for him, is the desire to accumulate worldly possessions.
Many of the things that were listed off in our group were things of the world: traveling, marriage, wealth, and experiences. But 1 John 2:15 says, "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." With our culture now-a-days that advertises the lastest gadgets everywhere you look, those desires for worldly possessions can get very intense. We feel the need to buy things left and right to satisfy our temporary needs.

I can totally relate to this in that when I see an ad for something on tv or especially in the abundance of ads in Sunday's paper, some clothing item or shoe seems to always catch my eye. I think about whether or not I want to buy that item for several days. It usually is something I always think about and how good I would look or how cool it would feel to have that thing. But when I go and buy it and use it for about a week or so, it seems to always find its place in my closet and then soon another clothing item will fall on top of it and that piece of clothing will have gone through the same process as the other item below it. Earthly possessions cannot satisfy our needs in the way that God can. Boyfriends, girlfriends, family, gizmos, gadgets, or cars cannot earn the same satisfaction that God can in our lives. Experiencing that good feeling inside knowing God has met all of my needs and loves me unconditionally, it cannot get much better than that.

An epiphany.

2008-04-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

New quarter, new things in life, a room all to myself, and dad's journals from a few years back staring me in the face all come together for the desire for an epiphany.

As I was reading my dad's journal from the time he was experiencing the thoughts about planting a church to the time it actually happened, I thought of something. It took God quite a while to reveal his plan for my dad, and ultimately my family's as well, and that to me makes me feel uneasy. I like my day and weeks for that matter planned out well in advance with me knowing about those plans. God of course has a different idea. It took him a few months to give my dad direction in his life. It takes a lot of trust on our part to put toward God in our lives.

Which also made me think of why I am here. It seems as though lately all I have been doing is taking up space. I have not made an impact in anyone's life since who knows when. Even though I am involved in different things, I seem to be just a speck on the canvas of life instead of a glistening beam. If I were to die tomorrow I do not think many people would know who I was. I still have yet to figure out my purpose.

I do not know why I am here on this earth, why God has brought me to this phase of my life. I want to become more of a leader than a follower. I am willing to figure all of this out on God's time. I do not know when my life will end but I pray by that point I will have made an impact in peoples' lives and that God's love and light will continue to shine through me as I find out my purpose in life.

Me & God are like this (flashes up index & middle finger stuck together)

2008-03-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

I feel closer to God than I ever have before. And I cannot quite tell you why.

Part of it might be because I have been at peace lately about where my life is going. I am so blessed and I am starting to realize exactly how blessed. I have awesome parents that raised me to be the woman I am today and will further grow into being, they have provided me with a college education, and continue to love me no matter what I do. I have a sister who needs and wants love shown to her from me. Sisters have a unique bond and I have come to realize how strong that can/should be in my life.

I have started to worry a lot less lately. Since I have not been worrying, things seem to be falling into place. I have generally been a lot happier than I have been up here at college. I am starting to get my studies under control. And surprisingly I am not stressed about finals next week. Yes I am nervously anticipating them but God has given me the peace that if I just study this week and really understand the concepts I will do fine. And the nice reward comes at the end: laying around at home with my family & my dog for twelve whole days.

Usually with life's highs there will always come lows. Considering the spiritual and emotional state I am in right now, I feel as though I can get through those lows with the same attitude I have now; realizing that God would not put me up to any challenge that I am not capable of overcoming. With His strength and guidance, all things are possible.

Tex & cheese

2008-03-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

So this was taken over President's day weekend when I got to go home. Audrey & I were sitting on the couch with Tex & Audrey was eating some cheese. Tex is a cheese fanatic. If he is the opposite side of the house he can still hear the opening of the cheese drawer in the refrigerator in the kitchen. Anyways, Audrey was finished and gave him her wrapper. Tex was not going to let that thing out of his mouth for anything. haha ENJOY!! C:

God > the devil

2008-03-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

For some reason lately I have been struggling with the worry factor. The devil seems to be strategically putting ideas, people, and/or thoughts in my head or in my surroundings that cause me to worry and assume I need to be in control. The major one and the one that is the hardest to deal with is the boy factor. It seems every where I go I see girls ooooing and ahhhing over the boyfriend/lover and it makes me jealous and worry about when my time will come. Then I start to want to be in control and go find that person myself. But then I think about how God has a special person for me and in His timing, my day will come. I just got to keep telling myself that I will be rewarded one day for being patient and following God's path for my life.

I see both ends of the spectrum where the devil can be so powerful and tempt me and cause me emotional harm but yet God is at the other end where only He can cure everything the devil puts in my way. When I start to go the devil's way I am never satisfied. I never feel the approval of doing the right thing when I give into his temptation. But when I follow God's lead, I always get that sense of approval from Him and I always know right away that I should be doing this.

Me being a controlling person it would be pretty satisfying/interesting to see the spreadsheet of my life that God has created. But that's where the mystery of life comes into play. God wants us to give Him our undying devotion, trust, faith in life. He wants us to become the sheep that He shepherds, He wants us to walk through the always open gates and commit our lives to Him and give control to Him. It's definitely not easy but knowing that I am being lead by an all-knowing, all powerful omniscent God is much more trustworthy that me, who's 19 years old, college student, still trying to figure out the quirks in life. God > Me.

the price is soooo not right anymore..

2008-02-06T10:17:00.001-08:00

Okay I have been wanting to accumulate my thoughts on this issue for a while & as I watch the show right now I decided it would be a good time to critique Drew Carey on the Price is Right. Being as though I have watched the show probably 97523874 times more than he has and nearly all of my life, I feel the right to be able to do this...

1. First off, he seems to be flabbergasted by the fact that one of the models is pregnant. Has he ever seen a pregnant lady before? We all can see her bump very clearly and she probably doesn't want him to draw even more attention to it.

2. When tomato juice or asprin or cinnamon rolls are advertised with the opening bid, it doesn't mean that they should go with everything. He dwells too much about how interesting a combination it is for tomato juice and a wine cabinet is.

3. Drew, did you ever take a math class in school? He has a really hard time when people are spinning the wheel to add up what their two spins were. One time I was watching and he totally did not add them up correctly and the guy went off stage and had to come back on because Drew doesn't know how to add.

4. When new models are on the show, the last thing they want is for Drew to point out the fact that they are new.

5. You would think CBS would hire someone who actually knows how to play the games or they would train someone a lot better than they have trained him. In the push over game, there has to be four numbers in the price. Obviously if the first number is a zero it can't be a price in the hundreds. There is four spaces for a reason.

6. The whole fun of TPIR is about the games. Drew, don't rush through them. Let average Americans enjoy the air time that they are television.

7. Ya it is nice for people to say hi to their friends but I don't think a good time for that is while the wheel is spinning. If they really want to say hi to someone they will ask for permission like they did when Bob was the host.

8. How can an 80+ year old man make a golf putt and Drew, however old he is, cannot. Drew, practice your putting.

9. Where did the word alcazam come from? Not feeling it so much.

10. He needs to try to encourage the contestants more. Don't tell them this is the easiest game because if they lose they will feel even more like a failure.

11. When people bid one dollar or one dollar over someone else's bid, we all know they are trying to win. You don't need to point out that it's strategy. They know what they are doing.

I know I shouldn't be judging people but I am writing this to make obvious the fact (even though it's obvious already) that TPIR will never be the same. I know Drew is doing his best but I just don't get excited anymore to watch the show. I am not degrading him or anything, I just feel like getting out my feelings about the show. I am really not intending this blog to be rude. If I could talk to him and give him advice I so would. I seriously thought about writing to CBS lol But I am thankful that the show did not completely go off air and that they found a good match for a host. I guess I need to just accept the fact that Bob Barker is amazing and did so much for the show and now Drew is doing his own thing, which he has the right to do. Maybe when Drew retires I could become the host?! Ha, ya right... :)

Crystal Clear :)

2008-02-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

It's funny how sometimes God can give you direction that's clearer than a piece of glass and other times it is shadier than the inside of a chimney. (don't know where that one came from lol) So lately I have been thinking about how I can get plugged into a church while I am up here at school. I have wanted to e-mail someone at CTK but when I looked at the e-mail list it was just way too long to try and find who exactly the e-mail needed to go to. So I put it off for a while. But then this last week at church it was their "promotion" sunday where they gave recognition to all of their volunteers and recruited even more. There was a handout in the church bulletin saying in big bold letters "ARE YOU WILLING TO SERVE?" ...or something to that effect. So I guess God just pretty much slapped me across the face to get my attention lol So needless to say I filled out the information and put it in the offering basket. The lady and I keep playing phone tag but hopefully tomorrow I can talk to her and get all signed up.

In his sermon this sunday it became apparent to me that God calls us to serve and we need to do it as an act of obedience. With my faith growing like it has been lately I felt like I could not deny God anymore with this issue. And He knew I could not go any longer either :) Hopefully with volunteering to I can meet more people at this church and not just be the girl who comes every week with no friends lol But hey at least I still go right?!

Distractions

2008-01-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

Funny story. So I woke up this morning to my alarm and laid in bed for a while. Then I finally got up and looked out the window and it was hard-core snowing. The road didn't look too bad but I didn't want to risk it so I made the initial decision to not go to church. But then I went to the bathroom and came back and the snow had died down a bit. This voice inside my head told me to suck it up and go to church. If it had been icy or snowy on Jesus' way to the cross, He still would have gone for us so I thought I could do the same :)

It was really good that I went too. The message this morning was about distractions and how to distinguish God's voice from the other conflicting voices that might be in your head. He talked about the deceptions you might face and the characteristics of God's voice that you hear. He also examined the ways we need to listen; expectedly, openly, carefully, gratefully, etc.

I feel like I really needed to hear this. Being at college and all there are some overwhelming distractions that surround me everyday; school, boys, friends, hanging out, stress, missing home, etc. The one that really hit home was my distraction and worry about the "boy scene." Lately, it has been exceptionally hard and has somewhat taken my focus away from God. God meant for and knew exactly what would happen. I had hoped that I could draw nearer to Him because of it but it seems as though I didn't. I think this sermon I heard today really brought me back on the right track. It helped me realize that these distractions are normal and that I am most vulnerable right now to the many obstacles. It made me reflect to want to try harder to dive into His Word everyday, to want to reach out to people, to want to show my faith somehow. I want to do a better job of distinguishing God's voice from the rest.

Too bad they don't make those eye things that horses wear to keep them focused straight ahead for humans :) Ha, even if they did I'm not too sure they would be "cool" to wear :)

I love Him.

2008-01-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

I've come to a conclusion that I worried way to much about it. I over-analyzed what could have and might have happened. Yes, I was at peace with it all & knew it would happen on God's time. But there was still that feeling in the back of my head.

Sure enough it worked out for the better. We got to have the conversation that needed to be had. We both got information out of each other that needed to be uncovered.

Throughout my first quarter of college, I have seen many effects through many different scenarios of how God works for the good of those who love Him. Right now I can truly say from my heart that I love God. If you would have asked me in the past if I loved Him, I would have said yes because that's the right answer. But then I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, I wouldn't have been able to tell you confidently. But now I can say it without a doubt; with evidence that He loves me.

I made a pact with myself & God two summers ago that I would not pursue any guy for a relationship. If a guy was truly attracted to me, he would be lead by God. Not going to lie, it was very hard. Seeing other couples at school and around town it was hard for me to not go & try to find satisfaction for myself. The time "alone" so to speak, was good for me in different ways. But now, a guy has found me. Whether it's meant to be or not, I couldn't tell you. But I feel as though God has put him in my life to teach me things about what I truly deserve in a man & the qualities I want in a future husband. It's a step in the right direction.

Now I am ready for the challenges & obstacles that come along with truly loving God. Not everyone is going to agree with it, but I soon hope to gain more knowledge about what it takes.

no substitute for God

2008-01-12T10:21:00.000-08:00

I feel stupid, embarrassed, let down, & a lack of respect given. I do everything to make things work. I feel like I'm a convenience. This is the second time in a matter of three days. & I think I have about had it. Actually I know I have had enough.

Last night I was doing everything to try and comfort myself. My heart wouldn't stop beating out of my chest while I was waiting. I started to get worried about my heart because at one point it literally started hurting. I was running through all different scenarios through my head; good ones & bad ones. I then remembered a story in the Bible about Peter. He had to be sure in his faith to get out of that boat & walk on water. Any ounce of uncertainty proved bad for him. I need to be like that. I need to be absolutely certain in my faith with God to get through this. & I did that last night. I kept praying & praying. Talking to God about this. And eventually my heart felt better; both physically and emotionally. God knew that at six o'clock when he left that I wouldn't hear back from him. God knows where we will stand in the future. I just need to let go, stop worrying, and settle for nothing less than I deserve. When someone says they are going to do something, I expect them to do it. And if they can't, they need to let you know. Don't necessarily need an explaination but some kind of notice would be nice.

It's going to be hard to focus until I hear something. But with God's power and strength I can do it. I am living my life for God; to honor and glorify him in everything I do. I don't need someone in place of His wonderful satisfaction. I only need Him.

i lack wisdom now :) thank goodness

2008-01-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

sorry to all of my millions of blog readers for my long writing hiatus. here's just a few updates i guess; not big on "below-the-surface" stuff right now.

just got done with winter break. it was a nice, relaxing break that went by wayyyy too fast. for the first two weeks i slept in until about 10:30-11am everyday, watched people's court at noon & two, dr.phil at three, oprah at four, the news from 5-6, wheel of fortune at 7:30, jeopardy at 7:30 & then whatever good reality show was on from then on until about midnight or one when i would go in my room & play this fun game on my computer until i fell asleep & then would do it all again the next day :)

then we had christmas & my family & i went to texas for about six days & spent bunches of time with family down there which was a blast too. then i came home & had my wisdom teeth yanked out. boy that was an experience. i wasn't extremely nervous for this surgery, considering my past visits & experiences with dentist, because i had been through a surgery with this doctor before so i knew everything that was going to happen; which is just how i like it :) butttttttttt during the surgery my heart rate was going about three beats a second! & because of that the anesthesia is absorbed more by the body so it took me a while longer to come out of the anesthesia. then when i got home, i was feeling fine; i had laid down on the couch for a few minutes & then got up to go throw away my gauze & put new ones in but when i was at the mirror above our fireplace i fainted. & my came running in a panic (don't remember this but it's what she said) & it took me a while to wake up but i did & all i remember saying was "don't call 911." lol uhh then i was planted on the couch for the rest of the day. then the next day i had to get up to pee & my mom & dad helped me (my dad said it looked like he was helping someone from the geriatric ward) & then trying to get up from the toilet (after i had brushed my teeth so my pants were on!) & fainted again but luckily they were right there. sooooooo after that no more extreme events occured. i haven't had much pain at all. i'm in the stage now where i have to use that syringe & clean out the holes. NOT FUN. but worth it that's for sure.

school started back up today :( it's hard trying to get back into a routine of regularly going to the dining hall, study time, when to get up everyday, stuff like that. & of course the having to study & do school work stuff. i had my math class & environmental science classes today. math should be interesting. he's an interesting fellow; today he wore nice khaki pants & a collared shirt with crocs. going to be an interesting teaching style too. i have never said this before but just after only the first day of class i can tell this math class is going to kick my butt! it's also super hard right now at least trying to find good food at the dining hall to eat since i still can't quite eat hard foods. had some baked potatoes today. that's a step :)

ahhhhhhhhhhhh i think that's it for now. more later maybe if i feel like it.

a reprieve.

2007-12-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

my mom brought up a good point this past thanksgiving weekend. there are some classes i'm taking right now that i don't have the bestest grades in & that if i do well enough on the finals i can squeak out a B in both of them. my mom suggested that i burn myself out this week & this weekend by studying my heart out because when they are done i will have a month or so to relax & not think one lick about school. i've constantly been thinking about that idea this whole week & surprisingly it's given me energy. i find myself living in this part of the library where i can hide-out. in this spot, at most i've seen about two other people here with me. i'm glad someone showed me where this place is :) well here's an update on the school life before i get to the spiritual stuff :) i signed up for my classes tuesday. i was pretty anxious to sign up so that i could get into the foundation courses for my major. i had this whole plan of e-mailing & talking to professors if i couldn't get into those classes but it turns out, through faith & God's awesome timing, i didn't need to do any of that. i got into economics 206 & math 157 which i didn't think i would get into. i'm also taking english 101 & environmental science 101.

now, thought i would take a much needed study break...not by blogging but by spending time with God! I've found this blog as a very good "therapy" for lack of better terms. No, i'm not "sick" but i just like to express my feelings by writing rather than any other way.

Lately, I've found that spending time with God is fun. it's something that i look forward to doing everyday & the urge reminds me to do it everyday which is a plus! the other day when i had my one-on-one with angela she said that she was doing her quiet times by reading hebrews because it talks about faith so i thought i would give that a try today. some cool verses & concepts popped into my head.

HEBREWS 2:1 "So we must be more careful to follow what we were taught. Then we will not stray away from the truth." then starting in HEBREWS 12:7 "So hold on through your sufferings, because they are like a father's discipline. God is treating you as children. All children are disciplined by their fathers. ...We have all had fathers here on earth who disciplined us, and we respected them. So it is even more important that we accept discipline from the Father of our spirits so we will have life. ....But God disciplines us to help us, so we can become holy as he is. We do not enjoy being disciplined. It is painful, but later, after we have learned from it, we have peace, because we start living in the right way."

It talks a lot about teaching and how important it is for the rest of our life. As a child i was taught many valuable lessons in life. i would try and hold on to those lessons for not just the rest of my life but for the fear of being punished. As a kid, and still now, i hate being punished. i hate the feeling of knowing that you did something wrong & you know your parents will punish you for it. i especially hate that akward phase during which you know that your parents know what happened but they aren't home at the moment to punish you. one time i got caught in a lie. my dad decided to let me know via text message or voicemail i'm not exactly sure, that we would need to have a talk when i got home. well the whole day at school i was scared out of my pants. especially on my drive home, which felt like the longest drive ever. i knew my head was about to be handed to me on a platter when i arrived. (& to punish me, you don't need to do anything physical i.e. spanking or grounding. i learn best through verbal contact, making me feel bad for what i did, bringing the guilt on myself. so i would constantly think how bad it feels to know that my parents are mad at me and that i hurt them) my mind would always run through these random things that could happen to me. not the best feeling in the world; so i would do the best i could to avoid it. Lately i've been starting to realize the other part to learning lessons; the part where you're supposed to use them in future situations down the road. the ones that come to my mind right now are going to church, respecting authority, not lying, building a relationship with God, & other things that are running through my head right now that i can't express on paper. Recalling those lessons & remembering the consequences from my parents has helped me.

The thought of doing something to show my faith has still been on my heart lately; now more than ever. but i just don't know what to do. money is a big issue obviously. but then i think if God wants me to do it, he will provide the resources. through ccf, the inn, & ctk there have been some cool mission trip opportunites. but i've felt no motivation to do them. & of course it's past the sign-up date so there's nothing i can do now. when i get back from winter break, i want to some how plug into church at ctk. i want to volunteer in the nursery somehow but i looked online & been paying attention in church but that don't mention anything about volunteering in that way. i'll have to look into it more when i get back. i just feel like that issue has been on my heart lately & i need to do something about it. again, hopefully God will make something happen in that regard :)

ELF = dad's favorite movie.

2007-11-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

here's another video but it's got my family in it this time. hahaha

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9623495935

:)

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

2007-11-27T23:00:00.000-08:00

first snow fall in bellingham! kelsey & i recorded a sweeeeet video of ourselves in it. You should totally check it out!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9623265601

:)

another lesson. many more to come.

2007-11-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

if you try & force things on your own time, it doesn't usually work out.

i've been so worked up lately about a bunch of different things: friendships, school work, my future, & who really am I. i tried to "fix" one of them but it doesn't seem like it paid off. i forced the issue a little too early i think. (this is really hard to write about without saying certain things lol) & i realized that God put the person in my life for a reason & He has a plan for the friendship that i don't need to go mess up. again, this issue has been out of my control & it's hard to handle. i want to be the one to fix the problem. i want to be the one who figures everything out right now & right away. but i am powerless. when you & God's ideas conflict, guess who wins? yup, He does. i'm scared of what's going to happen soon with this because i don't know where it will lead. but again if God wants it to happen, he will. by faith i need to let God lead me into the right decision & have the right state of mind for it. I'm willing to accept whatever way it might lead, even though i know one will be harder than the other.

Here's another striking verse I read. It's from James 4:1-part of verse 2 "Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. You want things but you do not have them." This just shows how when I want one thing & fight myself and run through all of the possibilities to get it, it's just my selfish ambition taking over. I need to let God have control of the situtation.

Hebrews 11:1 "Faith means being sure of things we hope for & knowing that something is real even if we do not see it." I wish God would just be a person, i wish i could hear his voice; boy, would that be so much easier. But if we could do that, I don't think we would have as strong enough of faith as we could have if we don't see Him. He wouldn't be as accessible. God obviously (lol) knew what he was doing when he made this earth. It's hard to fathom what was running through his head when he was creating all of this. ahhhhhh it's so coool.

faith without deeds is dead.

2007-11-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

For some reason lately (& i don't know what that reason is just yet; if i'll even ever know) I've been thinking alot lately about what would happen if I died prematurely. Well prematurely for me; not for God. Things have been coming across my mind lately about what would happen to me when I die, would I be scared, how I would die, how people would react, I don't know it's hard to explain in writing. I've been having the urge to do something extremely out of my comfort zone because who knows how long I will be here. What I want to do I don't know. Maybe (well maybe not maybe but...) God is trying to tell me something here.

It's weird because when I was looking for pictures & banners to put on my myspace I put one on their that said something to the effect of "You never know how long someone is going to be here, so be a blessing.." I'm not sure the exact wording but it was along those lines. I'm trying to go through my feelings about this. Again, it's hard to describe in writing. All of my thoughts are in my head but I don't know how to explain them.

In my devotion the other day I decided to read the first few chapters of James where he's talking about faith, temptation, & obeying God. A verse kind of struck me: James 1:6 "but when you ask God (for wisdom), you must believe and not doubt." & that's a hard one for me. With my personality I like to be in control of situations & like to see things first hand. But with God we don't see him right there in front of us giving us wisdom & other things. We have to put our trust in him. Another verse got to me. James 2:22 (Talking about Abraham sacrificing his son) "His faith was made perfect by what he did." I have been wondering what I can do with my newly found faith. How can I show my faith to other people? Is that by mission trips, volunteering, or something else I don't know of. I've been praying about that lately; about what God wants me to do. It's just all a matter of God's timing. & I'm willing to wait it out because I know exactly how good that feels. God's pace is the best! (welll sometimes at least) :)

one last note: The other day on the Price is Right (which will never be the same again) in the "Showcase Showdown" a new record of mine was broken. A lady won her showcase & came within on $78 of the actual retail price without going over (I know I should be the new host) so she won both showcases. I have seen someone do that but this amount was the closest to the price I have ever seen! It was pretty cool.

okayyy one more last note: MY BIRTHDAY IS TWO DAYS!!! YIPPEEE! & THEN I'M GOING HOME IN THREE DAYS!! EVEN MORE YIPPEEEE!!

it's a relationship too & you have to keep it growing.

2007-10-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

wow it has been quite some time since i have wrote on this. SORRY! i've been quite busy with school & honestly nothing else. I'm starting to slip back into the stage I was in when I got up here. & that's not good. I keep making up excuses for everything. Like right now I need to be studying for two tests that I have this week but this dumb computer keeps distracting me.

Kind of like God; I get going on this great streak of spending time with him but other things "get in the way." I feel like I only use God when I need him. I only cry out for him when things aren't going well, when I don't know what else to do; but I don't maintain the relationship when things are going good. I feel like he's a convenience. I always make up excuses. Oh I need to study. Oh I have to watch the world series. Oh I have to go eat now. Oh I need to check myspace & facebook. Why can't the constant reminder of spending time be in my head? Because I won't let it. I have other idols out their that I feel are more important & more satisfying than spending time with my Father who died for me. I need to change that & who more to ask for help but the person who knows all!

I got to see my mom & dad this weekend! It was fun hanging out with them & goofing around. It was weird though because when they left I didn't feel as sad as other previous hangouts with them have been. I didn't feel quite the separation shock either. I think I'm starting to settle in here. It doesn't feel like camp anymore. It feels like any other school where you go to school during the day, study & hang out at night.

GUESS WHO'S 19TH BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT DAD? YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A NINETEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! YIKKESSSS....

intricacies.

2007-10-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

In my psychology class we have been going over the different parts of the brain, eye, & ear mainly. i've just been blow away by the little intricacies that God had to think of to create each one of us. For example, when we hear things, there are actually vibrations in the air that go through our ears & do all of this other stuff that i can't even explain. Another example, we don't actually see what we really see. the rods & cones & a bunch of other things in our eyes change the image. it's hard to explain; i may not have done a good job but that just goes to show you how it's not humanly possible to have thought of all of these small, microscopic details; only God is capable of that.

I can't believe I am going to post this on the world wide web because i am VERY embarrassed about it. Buttt we had our first exam in psychology & i studied pretty good for it. I knew the flashcards I made from front to back. But turns out i didn't. i got a D+. ouch i know. i've never in my whole life, got below a B on a test. It was quite a shock. I double checked that it was really mine i was looking at. But it was a good wake up call. I went & talked to the prof about it & there ended up being another girl in there with the same problem as me, so we exchanged numbers & are going to start studying together which will be good! Pray for me; the next exam is in two weeks!!

p.s. I really want to see the movie "Lars & the Real Girl" when it comes out. How come when I leave the theatre all of these good movies come out? just my luck...

i passed the test.

2007-10-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

reaping the benefits of trusting in God feels soooooo good C:

As you might know I've been struggling making friends up here. I've been plugged into social groups but for a while things weren't really working. But today God finally came through.

I think he was testing me. I think he wanted to wait sometime for me to rely on him & let him do all of the work. I think he wanted me to build, develop, & re-kindle my relationship with him before I made new friends & work on the relationships with them. Well I did that & mannnnnn was it worth it. Not only did I feel all of the peace in the world, but I was rewarded for it as well.

I had an awesome time tonight. I went with Kelsey, Megan, Tali, Stephanie, Kristina & Kassy to dinner at a pizza place then went & saw the movie "Across the Universe." It's supposed to be about the Beatles but I didn't make the connection. It was VERY interesting but good at the same time. It was good to not only have something to do on a saturday night but also hang out with some cool girls & get to know them.

I only can hope & wish that these friendships won't end here. But to make that happen all I can do is trust in God & know that he will provide for me. He is a loving God & only wants what is best for me & for everyone!

along for the ride.

2007-10-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

okay so something incredibly funny happened today so i'm going to make this a "fun" blog instead of a somber one like my last one :)

welll first off kelsey was screaming because there was this large bug in our room today crawling up the window. it was looked like a stink bug meets cockroach meets beetle. it was interesting. anyways, she freaked out & wanted to kill it with hairspray but i encouraged her not to because the bug didn't do anything to her. but she insisted the bug had made babies on her bed somewhere but that totally didn't happen. anyways, (sorry i keep sidetracking) i opened the window the bug was on but he didn't seem like he wanted to go out. (like how i made the bug a boy? boys are like bugs haha). anyways, so i grabbed this broom in our room that we hadn't used at all & scooped the bug up on it & stuck it out the window. he didn't seem to move so i shook the broom & then the big crawled TOWARD me on the broom & for some reason my reaction was to drop the broom. But that was quite a problem because the broom then fell five stories down onto the driveway of the dorm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA me & kelsey were dying laughing on the ground. then i went to go get it & some maintenance guys thought it was there's so picked it up & put it in their truck. but i got it back from them. it was quite funny. i laugh everytime i see our window because i can't imagine what someone was thinking when they saw a broom shaking out the window & then all of a sudden it drops five stores. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. wow college is fun when things like this happen!

a good song was sung last night at the inn. here it goes: HUNGRY I COME TO YOU FOR I KNOW YOU SATISFY. I AM EMPTY BUT I KNOW YOUR LOVE DOES NOT RUN DRY. SO I WAIT FOR YOU. SO I WAIT FOR YOU. I'M FALLING ON MY KNEES. OFFERING ALL OF ME. JESUS YOU'RE ALL THIS HEART IS LIVING FOR. BROKEN I RUN TO YOU FOR YOUR ARMS ARE OPEN WIDE. I AM WEARY BUT I KNOW YOUR TOUCH RESTORES MY LIFE.

as i was singing this song i realized that i'm singing the song of my life right then. i have become so broken over the last couple of weeks. i needed so much in my life i didn't know what to do. i didn't have control of my life & that's hard for me. but i realized God is the answer for everything. he has his arms open wide for me & meets me where i'm at. i don't need to go searching for him; he knows where i'm at & will come running for me. he's all that i live for now. ya i've been thinking a lot about the whole "you meet your husband in college" idea. & i'm not going to pursue anyone. God will make the man for me pursue me. it's comforting to know but i'm not going to lie i do have my doubts too. but i just have to put my faith in God & go along for the ride!

I do like.

2007-10-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

I never thought that being away from my family, being away from the atmosphere of my house, where i knew everything & nearly everyone, would be this difficult; but rewarding at the same time.

I miss my family tremendously. I didn't think I would miss the nagging, doing chores (when I did them), picking up dog poop, & cleaning my room, would be able to be missed. I thought I would enjoy being on my own, making my own decisions, & doing what i wanted to when I wanted to. I cry every night for my family. I don't want to grow up. I don't like change. I don't like not having friends. I don't like taking showers in a shower that is full of hair, dirty floors, & a stinky smell. I don't like doing the same thing everyday. I don't like not being around my family. I don't like not beating up my sister. I don't like going to a church where I don't know anyone. I don't like being new. I don't like adjusting. I don't like trying to find out who I am. I don't like not having the comfort I had at home, at school, & at church.

But I do like how this whole experience has helped my lean on God so much more. For the first time in my life I have felt his presence with me. When my parents left I couldn't control myself. It's been hard making friends but God has given me the peace to get through this & I know that he will guide me through everything. I have got plugged into two amazing bible studies; one through CCF & one through the Inn. I hope to get to know other people in those groups who are going through the same thing that I am.

In one of my classes the other day a kid asked me, "So how was your first weekend of parties as a freshman?" Of course I answered "I don't party." Then he asked, "Why don't you party?" I gave him the cliche answer..."It's not for me." But then I got to thinking. Why do I really not party? What is stopping me from going to some strangers house, getting drunk like no other, & having a hang over the next morning? It's my faith. Nothing good comes from parties. Nothing glorifies God at parties. I can have fun being myself doing other things. God will bless me with other Christians to null my desire to do any of that crap.

Along with my prayer journal, I am glad I created this blog. IT helps me let my feeling out. I don't care if nobody reads this. It will be like my blog to God & others who want to find him too.